You: Staying Young and the Owner’s Manuel by Michael F. Roizen & Mehmet C. Oz

When I stumbled upon these two book in some rinky-dink local thrift store I couldn’t help but feeling like I was buying some sort of secret to immortality. These books were “written” by two very famous doctors and blown up all over the Oprah show. They were the hot thing a few years ago and a total must-have.

Well I must have been the only person that felt like she’s been totally cheated out of looking twenty five for the rest of my life. Honestly, had I paid more than a couple dollars for each book I would’ve returned them. That’s how disappointing I found them. Now I can see why they were left to molder on a dusty old shelf in the middle of nowhere.

I feel like any average person that’s had any form of normal middle-class high school health education has probably already learned all they need to know from this book series. If you’ve reached adulthood never having heard that exercise, eating right, and antioxidants are all good for you… well then I think you have bigger fish to fry.

Step One: Eat right. Step Two: Get off your fat ass. Step Three: Don’t fry yourself in the sun. Step Four: Put down those cigarettes, Smokey.

There, I just saved you $50 and several wasted hours. You can thank me later.

I’m gonna go eat a bag of chips now…

2 clogged arteries of 5

Kiss of Frost and Dark Frost by Jennifer Estep

Wow, I have to say I’m impressed. Normally the first book in a series is by far the best one, but not so with Estep’s Mythos Academy series. Gwen Frost has the power of psychometry–touch magic. She can “see” memories/impressions of strong emotions that are left behind on objects after people use them. She is also the chosen champion of the goddess Nike and is in direct opposition to the increasingly powerful god of chaos, Loki.

And that makes her numero uno on the mythological hit list.

As if that wasn’t hard enough, what’s going on with her Spartan crush Logan? Is he into her or isn’t he?

I have surprisingly grown to love this YA series, after trepidatiously continuing it after a shaky start with book one–an advanced readers edition. It is total fluff, but it’s entertaining fluff and I love it. I really like the Mythos Academy as a school, and I’m totally waiting for my superhuman abilities to develop. Gwen can “read” objects, but other than that she’s totally normal. Kinda hard to feel special when you’re surrounded by powerful freaks of nature wearing designer jeans.

Wind down with a cup of tea reading this series. It’s fun, interesting, and not too stressful.

4 creepy hairbrushes of 5

Are You Ready For a Little Twain and Steinbeck?

Two dear friends of mine recently gave me several new books to adopt. Among them were The Moon is Down by John Steinbeck and A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur’s Court by Mark Twain. Having never read anything by either of these classic authors (I know!) I was ready for something spellbinding.

Unfortunately, TMID left me disappointed. I was hoping for something completely different than was Steinbeck’s intention, although it is a great piece of war propaganda and it undoubtedly caused a huge uproar during WWII. It was obviously a thinly veiled re-imagination of the Nazis. What made it so scandalous, however, is that rather than being portrayed as death-dealing automatons, the Nazis were just… young men. Young men that craved love and wanted to go home. Still, from a literary perspective, I found it pretty dry until the end.

ACYIKAC was a bit more fast-paced. It told of an average Joe from the late 1800’s being mysteriously transported back into Camelot. Naturally, with his “modern” knowledge, he was quickly deemed a wizard and become one of the most powerful men in England.

The idea of advertisements on knight’s shields and all the wonders of the 1800’s was certainly an entertaining idea. But… oftentimes Twain’s passages were long and confusing and I had to re-read them to understand what was going on. I also didn’t like that how the protagonist got to Camelot was never explained. For some reason, missing this vital detail, I couldn’t sink into the world as seamlessly. But, of the two, I definitely enjoyed this one better.

3 knights errant and lonely Nazis of 5

The Breeders by Katie French

There’s so much talk in our world about women’s rights and what we should be allowed (and subsequently not allowed) to do with our female parts. Imagine you lived in a world where just being a woman got you forcibly removed from you family and taken to a breeding facility. That’s right! Having a functioning hoo-ha got you a one-way ticket to pregnantville for the rest of your youth! And then, when you got to old to have your own babies, the government so thoughtfully let you care for other girls’ children–as yours were taken from you after birth so as not to distract you from your next imminent pregnancy. 

See what kind of shenanigans men get into if left alone on the planet??

Well, that’s the world sixteen year old Riley Meemick was born into. She’s one of the last free women in the state.

Set in futuristic post-virus New Mexico, French’s work is a page-turner for sure. The gunslinging and Wild West attitude totally took me by surprise, but in a good way. I feel like most YA fiction nowadays is just trying to follow some vampire/werewolf/mermaid/post-apocalypse trend and it gets old. This one was definitely a breath of fresh air and it was interesting to note the dynamic men took on when left to their own devices.

The companion novella Nessa: A Breeder’s Story is also a must read. It’s very enlightening about the back story. 4 homemade bullets of 5