Tag Archives: sex

The Sex Life of Food by Bunny Crumpacker

With a name like Bunny Crumpacker… She’s unlikely to disappoint. Especially about two of our favorite subjects: FOOD and SEX. Crumpacker (teehee) details how human desires go hand in hand, with hunger and horniness being the most potent of them all. From Eve and the apple to modern cannibals, I’d say she covers a little bit of everything… 51NFYQQ01GL._SY300_

I found this book INSANELY readable. I mean, really, you had me at sex and food, but still. Her writing style is a rare blend of wit and humor and I wizzed through this book in about a day. Who doesn’t find cannibals interesting?? Could you eat human flesh if you had to do it to survive?

I don’t even like fish!

It’s interesting to note that the two things we crave most in life–the two things that are actual essential to human life–are the two things we feel the most shame about. We want too much, we don’t want enough, we starve, we stuff, we hump, we die.

A perfect bath tub book ❤

5 apple cores of 5

Advertisements

The Mammoth Book of Erotica edt. by Maxim Jakubowski

The Mammoth Book of Erotica has been sitting on a bookshelf somewhere in my vicinity since I was a teenager. I started reading it back then, killed a hundred pages, and then walked away. I still had an old piece of ripped paper marking the spot where I left off. Maybe I was afraid of my mom busting me or something. Who knows?

But I finally came back and finished the job. 1319904

As with all anthologies, TMBOE had it it’s ups and downs (tee hee). Rarely did I find any of these stories arousing or titillating (I love that word) but many of them were entertaining outside of the sexual spectrum.

Some of my favorites included:

  • The Isle of the Dead by Thomas S. Roche- Queen of the Damned meets transgender lead singer. 
  • Beauty’s Punishment by Anne Rice- An excerpt of Rice’s famous Beauty BDSM trilogy.
  • Hollow Hills by Michael Hemmingson- Six youths get frisky in the back of a 1971 Mustang.
  • A Carcass of Dreams by Marco Grassi- His “story” was several separate individual pieces. Some were of strange subject matter, but all were well written. (Coprophilia, anyone?)
  • The Girl in Booth Nine by Adam-Troy Castro- One of my favorites of the whole anthology. A sci-fi thriller about a guy who visits viewing booths at a XXX store and how a virtual video vixen gets her revenge.
  • The Safety of Unknown Cities by Lucy Taylor- Sodom and Gomorrah meets hermaphrodite meets evil sorcerer. My other favorite.
  • Violent Silence by Paul Mayersberg- A poolside desperate housewife meets dangerous stranger and they get down in a cabana. (It’s much more intriguing than it sounds–don’t judge me!)
  • Equinox by Samuel R. Delany- Bisexual pirate love! Need I say more?
  • Baubo’s Kiss by Lucy Taylor- A vacationing lesbian stumbles upon a mythical goddess and magic ensues.
  • The Age of Desire by Clive Barker- A secret lab experiment goes horribly awry and an insane man with an insatiable sexual appetite is unleashed. Loved this one.
  • L’Enfer by Alice Joanou- A kept man and his mistress visit a hidden erotic club and things turn violent. Very Jack the Ripper-esque.

So, I guess seeing as how 11 out of 30 stories were very well-written or entertaining, 1/3 of this HUGE book was really good. These were all worth reading. The rest were either boring or rambling. Don’t expect arousal though, because these aren’t smut. They’re graphic, but they’re more erotically-themed short stories than out and out raunchy porn.

4 virtual video vixens of 5

(I think I’m just going to work “virtual video vixen” into as many conversations as possible from now on…)


How to Make Love Like a Porn Star by Jenna Jameson

I will say, that when I worked at a book store, Jenna Jameson’s How to Make Love Like a Porn Star was certainly one of the most eye-catching titles on the shelf. (A tribute well spoken for by the oft dog-eared pages and bent spines found on every copy in any bookstore. Is it all about the boobs, people?) 

I won’t lie, the title is what caught my attention. Putting the words “make love” and “porn star” in the same sentence is very amusing. But, sure, I’m game to see what Jenna has to say.

HTMLLAPS is Jameson’s autobiographical (with the help of Neil Strauss) tale of her rather rough upbringing and multiple molestations. *cough* Surprise, surprise… She chronicles her various sorted relationships, both hetero- and homosexual with pretty much every crappy person you can imagine. Also, she details her rise to fame and fortune within the porn industry as one of the most touted members of their community. (She started stripping when she was 17 and evolved in the business from there).

Astonishingly, this book didn’t have as much shock factor as I’d initially anticipated.  I don’t know whether that means it was tame by porn star comparisons, or that I’m hopelessly jaded–but either way it was an interesting sneak peak into what life on the “dark side” is like. (Not only was Jameson stripping and doing porn–she was also addicted to meth, pain pills, and alcohol through various stages of her life). I was expecting some terrible cringe-fest that left me running to get an HIV test and take a hot shower. Not the case. There was a lot of sex talk, obviously, but most of it was described in a very professional manner and didn’t seem at all that provocative. In fact, I believe Jenna did a great job taking the mystery/glamour away from the porn industry, shining light on the fact that it isn’t just “easy” money–it’s actually pretty fucking sleazy money.

Of course, this book was published in 2004 and much has changed in Jameson’s life in the last 8 years, both professional, personally, and romantically. I would give this a go if you want a little cheap poolside reading material. Whatever you do, don’t make the mistake of reading it at work–it’s full of topless photos.

But, as much as I admire Jenna’s tenacity for picking herself up, dusting herself off, and starting over… You won’t catch me bringing my dad as my date to the AVN awards anytime soon…

3 saline implants of 5

If you’re interested in this book, you can buy it here.


Quote of the Day: Lynne Kelly

“Some believers accuse skeptics of having nothing left but a dull, cold, scientific world. I am left with only art, music, literature, theatre, the magnificence of nature, mathematics, the human spirit, sex, the cosmos, friendship, history, science, imagination, dreams, oceans, mountains, love, and the wonder of birth.
That’ll do for me.”

-Lynne Kelly


Three Posts for the Price of One! Happy New Year!

That’s right, kiddos, I’m going to do something a bit out of the ordinary and talk about three books today. I’ve been super busy graduating (read: dream come true) combined with working retail during the holidays (translation: nightmare). Plus, I just got back from a spectacular road trip to Baltimore with a pit stop in Savannah (love it, go there). Needless to say I’m doing a bit of catch up.

 

 

So here it goes…

I finished Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk a while back, and as if we didn’t already know it: what a crazy bastard! It talks about an aging porn star who intends to go out with a bang (literally) by attempting the largest gang bang in history. 600 guys in one go. Ew. The cast of men include a balding washed-up tv actor, an old porn co-star, and a boy who claims to be her long lost son. Weird.

This book was recommended to me by my co-workers, who are all as messed up as I am and love this horrible stuff. I loved Fight Club so I was interested in trying some of his other work. When I found out the topic, I was grotesquely interested but I almost felt like I didn’t want people to catch me reading it. I have to say I was a bit disappointed. The whole story seemed to be much ado about nothing, and the ending was strange/unexpected/gross/crest-fallen. It was confusing to keep the men straight at first, since they were all referred to by number and not name. I also hated how Sheila kept referring to them as pud-pullers, tally whackers, and all other manner of weird slang terms. I feel let down by this work…

The second book is Modelland by Tyra Banks. I will sum this up quickly. DON’T EVER, I REPEAT, EVER READ THIS. It sucked so royally it wasn’t even funny. Wow. I mean…. Just wow. Tyra Banks cannot write, even a little. It was really, really sad actually. I used to watch her show when I was a teenager and I think she’s a beautiful woman, but dang… Epic fail. I cannot even begin to describe how ridiculous the whole story was, so I’ll just tell you to avoid it and hope you take my word for it. It was so atrocious it took me a month to read it. Avoid at all costs.

And last but not least was Beautiful by Amy Reed. Her story told the tale of middle-schooler Cassie, whom upon becoming newly beautiful and moving to a new school, quickly spirals into a world full of sex, drugs, and suicide. Typical teenage angst, but it did have a gritty flavor that I appreciated. I feel like many of Cassie’s friend’s personalities fell flat though. I never really cared about Sarah or felt afraid of Alex and an author’s main job is to make you sympathize with the character and immerse yourself in his/her world. Also, the whole drug thing was really glamorized because I don’t know any middle school girl first experimenting with drugs who could pound coke and pot and alcohol down like she could. Kinda unrealistic, but it was a quick read and I did enjoy it. It’s a bath tub book for sure.

Bottom line:

Snuff: 3 of 5 stars

Modelland: 1 of 5 stars

Beautiful: 3 of 5 stars

Nothing too impressive out the bunch. Keep calm, and read on.

 


The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman

So… I’ve been putting off reading The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman for a while. I know… I know… It’s been on the best seller’s list for ages, it’s helped about a trillion couples save their marriages, and even my boyfriend has read it.

Yep. Boyfriend. Reading about love. Hope springs eternal, ladies…

But even after all that, I still felt trepidatious about picking it up. The boy had explained the principles of it, we’d discussed what our own “languages” were, and I’d even taken the online quiz on Chapman’s website. So I didn’t need to read the book, right?

Wrong.

Although the whole thing felt rather girly, it was a rainy Sunday, and as good a day as any to start a new book. Talking about feelings has not been my strongest trait in recent years, and while I felt strange reading a book about love, I pushed past my discomfort and decided to tackle this whole “language” BS.

And I finished it in two days…

Chapman’s book is a quick but powerful read. He details five different ways that people express love to others, and how they need love to be expressed to them in return. The five ways are:

Quality Time, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, and Physical Touch

  • Quality time is–you guessed it!–spending time with each other. And none of that “Well, we’re sitting next to each other for two hours every night watching American Idol!” crap either. This means real QUALITY time. Talking, laughing, joking, doing things together. You know… stuff you did when you still liked each other.
  • Words of affirmation are verbal expressions to your partner to make them feel good about themselves, and make them feel secure in your love. This can be anything from, “Wow! You’re such a hard-worker! Thanks so much for cleaning up around the house today!” to “Man, you are super hot and I can’t wait to get you home!” Basically, it’s complimenting your mate and showing your appreciation of them.
  • Acts of service are doing things for them, especially if you don’t really feel like it. No one really wants to vacuum the house every week, but if that’s what’s necessary to make your spouse feel loved, then by golly, that’s what you had better do. (I know it makes me feel loved when I don’t have to put my own air in the car tires… *hint hint*)
  • Receiving gifts is another language. Obviously this one entails making or buying objects for your partner to demonstrate to them that they were on your mind. They needn’t be expensive, but they should be thoughtful.
  • And lastly, physical touch. This means that your mate feels most loved when you are rubbing them, holding their hand in public, massaging them, and having sex with them on a regular basis. They express their feelings for you through the act of intercourse and without it they may feel left out in the cold (even if you are using some of the other languages on them.)
                        The good news for us, is that these are all relatively simple things to do. If we just take notice of our partners behavior, translate that into a specific desire, and then meet that desire–we would all be much happier. Chapman also relieves us in acknowledging the fact that most couples don’t speak the same language, but can readily adapt to learn new ones if necessary. Phew.
                           And don’t say anything, but I really got a lot out of this book. It helped me understand a lot about myself and I learned new techniques to use in my own personal relationships. These can apply to others in your life, not just your spouse. ( Except maybe the sex part…) The book is targeted at married couples, but really anyone in a relationship—or looking to be in one–could definitely benefit from reading it. I can see why this book has been a best seller for so long…
                         The only comment I really have as far as criticism is that some of the phrases Chapman suggests for the Words of Affirmation chapter are terribly scripted and cheesy. They sound like something June Cleaver would say to Ward. It’s better to think of your own, anyway. It makes it more personal to the both of you. Also, this book is also listed in the “Christian Living-Relationships” section of the book store, and while Chapman refers to Jesus a few times, he doesn’t get preachy about it at all. Some people might not like it because it has some religious ties, but if you take it for what it is, I feel you can get much use out of The Five Love Languages. 
5 of 5 stars

The Love Spell by Phyllis Curott

I put a spell on you… And now you’re mine… 

Now that Halloween’s coming, I guess it’s appropriate to do a review on the erotic memoir of a Wiccan High Priestess. The Love Spell by Phyllis Curott chronicles her journey through life (and the 80’s, ugh…) trying to find what we all want, true love. The only differences between her adventure and ours, however, is that hers is peppered with spells, potions, and magic and ours is peppered with Haagen Dazs, sloppy kisses, and awkward text messages.

Curott starts her story by discussing her loneliness. She is sick of dating dead end men, having one night stands, and generally being unappreciated by the opposite sex. She starts becoming star struck by images of James Dean, long since dead but still arousing to her. Somehow, she sees him as “a working class man with the heart of a poet.” She is entranced by the way he wore his heart on his sleeve, and always expressed how he was feeling in any given moment, without reservations about what others would think. She is drawn to him, yet heartbroken, because he is not of this realm anymore.

Curott ends up joining a coven and earning a true group of friends, most notably a mentor named Nonna. Nonna is the warm maternal figure that should be a part of every woman’s life. She is there to guide Phyllis through her search for love, and there to pick her up when things don’t go exactly as planned. Especially when Phyllis decides to take matters into her own hands and casts a love spell, asking the universe to send her the man of her dreams.

Enter: Derek, a tall good-looking man who is compatible with Phyllis not only physically, but also on a mental and spiritual level as well, which–I can imagine–may be a hard thing to find when practicing a religion outside of societal norms. She can’t believe it– her spell worked! Curott feels an immediate spark between herself and Derek, and it doesn’t take long to find out that he feels the same way.

But will things work out for the new couple? Will Phyllis get the happy ending she’s always dreamed of– with a soul mate by her side and a baby on her hip? Or can nothing–not even magic–hold two lovers together if they just weren’t meant to be?

And what’s the deal with James Dean?

I have to say, this book surprised me. I put off reading it for quite a while because I was worried it was going to be some gushy BS romance novel–which I hate! All that quivering thigh, bodice-ripping just irritates me. But The Love Spell was quite different. I really enjoyed watching Phyllis’ inner turmoil, as well as seeing what a great female support system she had. The whole book made me feel proud to be a woman, which is an uncommon feeling to get from reading a story. I really liked the mythological aspects that were thrown in there, like Dionysus (her proclaimed “daemon,” or spiritual lover) and especially the famous tale of Isis and Osiris. I’ve always found those who chose the pagan path of worship to be interesting, and Curott offered a behind-the-scenes look into some of the ceremonies the covens have and what really happens during magic-making events.

I was a little put off by the first few chapters of the book. It was hard for me to get into because of the long solid blocks without any dialogue. I understand that a memoir revolves around someone’s inner struggle, but for a while there wasn’t a lot of action. Also, the whole “hearing the voice of James Dean” thing while standing at his grave was a bit hard for me to swallow. Maybe I’ve just been deadened by society to that sort of thing, but it seemed a little (highly)…unlikely… When read as a regular fictional novel it’s great, but when you remember that it’s supposedly a true story, it’s a bit hard to buy.

Plus the whole unprotected-sex-with-strangers-because-it’s-the -80’s thing just made me cringe…

But for sure, read this book. For anyone interested in learning more about the occult, wanting to practice making your own love spells/potions, or just in need of a little femininity boosting– this memoir’s for you. And as Alice Hoffman said in Practical Magic,

“There’s a little witch in every woman.”

4 of 5 stars