Tag Archives: humor

Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea & Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang by Chelsea Handler

Phew. That’s a lot of Chelseas. Especially when you consider these books are being reviewed by a Chelsea too! I’ve been casually following Chelsea Handler’s work since her days on the Girls Behaving Badly show. It used to really crack me up in my teen years. My roommate and I even enjoyed watching her show Chelsea Lately whenever we caught it, reveling in her sarcastic-bitch sense of humor. I love that. I find mean people hilarious. And she’s mean. And probably an alcoholic.  

I read My Horizontal Life: A Collection of One-Night Stands a few years back and found it pretty amusing. What’s not to love about a collection of casual sex stories? She should’ve called it, A Series of Unfortunate Decisions. Lmao. I recall a circus midget being in one of the stories. Really.

Unfortunately, I wasn’t so fond of either of these two books.

I read Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang in one day, because it’s a really easy read. I do appreciate that about Chelsea’s writing. Both of these books follow her traditional format of each chapter being a humorous story that stands alone. But, the stories in CCBB just seemed a little too self-appreciative and not as funny as the improv banter on her show. This book just kind of gave the impression of “I’m rich and funny, laugh at me!”

When I was finished, I remembered that I had Are You There, Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea on my Kindle, so I promptly started that. I found this one slightly more amusing and less ego-stroking than CCBB. This one was written beforehand, so maybe she wasn’t quite as full of herself during this time. A lot of drunken craziness ensues, which I’m all for, but it somehow just isn’t that funny. I only laughed aloud a couple of times in each book, and it wasn’t ever because of the punchline of a story–more for random strange things like referring to her fat father as “Platypus.”

I still love you, Chelsea, and I’ll continue to watch your show–but my girlfriends and I have been known to have more wild nights than your books illustrate, with a fraction of the money and only a drop of ego.

3 Ketel One and Lemons of 5

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You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News by the Editors of Cracked.com

I might be a zombie? Hmm… No news to me. Have you seen me when I first wake up? It’s not pretty. Rearranged face, creepy guttural noises, vacant stares, uncontrollable rage, the urge to kill–you know, the usual.

For years the editors of Cracked.com have entertained us and even taught us a thing or two (not to mention brought a WELCOME distraction from that whole day job charade…) Shoot, the first sentence of the book is “YOU have been the victim of a conspiracy to make the world around you more boring than it actually is.”

It’s true. I feel personally victimized.

In You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News doesn’t read like a novel. It’s formatted like the website, with amusing lists and witty lingo hiding factual information underneath all the dirty talk. Pretty much exactly how my friends and I speak, only more awesome. Seriously, if our college professors had spoken like this… Well let’s just say we’d all have stayed awake in class a lot more often.

Some of the “chapter/list” subheadings are:

  • Five Stories About Jesus’s Childhood They Had To Cut Friom The Bible (To Avoid An NC-17 Rating)
  • Five Horrifying Food Additives You’ve Probably Eaten Today
  • Four Great Women Buried By Their Boobs
  • Five Wacky Misunderstandings That Almost Caused a Nuclear Holocaust
  • Five Beloved U.S. Presidents The Modern Media Would Never Let Into The White House

Plus tons of other chapters about childbirth, bugs, weapons of mass destruction, medical practices, the zombie apocalypse, and cartoons–just to name a few.

I read the majority of this book while on the 5am train to Paris and while most other people were doing this:

I was busy laughing out loud. (Which I can assure you, hardly ever happens from books or TV).

AND to top it all off, I learned what a freaking badass Teddy Roosevelt was and that Abraham Lincoln had a terribly high-pitched voice, plus a bunch of other randomly weird stuff.

A new fav. Good job, Cracked Team!

5 lightning guns of 5