Tag Archives: Funny

You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News by the Editors of Cracked.com

I might be a zombie? Hmm… No news to me. Have you seen me when I first wake up? It’s not pretty. Rearranged face, creepy guttural noises, vacant stares, uncontrollable rage, the urge to kill–you know, the usual.

For years the editors of Cracked.com have entertained us and even taught us a thing or two (not to mention brought a WELCOME distraction from that whole day job charade…) Shoot, the first sentence of the book is “YOU have been the victim of a conspiracy to make the world around you more boring than it actually is.”

It’s true. I feel personally victimized.

In You Might Be a Zombie and Other Bad News doesn’t read like a novel. It’s formatted like the website, with amusing lists and witty lingo hiding factual information underneath all the dirty talk. Pretty much exactly how my friends and I speak, only more awesome. Seriously, if our college professors had spoken like this… Well let’s just say we’d all have stayed awake in class a lot more often.

Some of the “chapter/list” subheadings are:

  • Five Stories About Jesus’s Childhood They Had To Cut Friom The Bible (To Avoid An NC-17 Rating)
  • Five Horrifying Food Additives You’ve Probably Eaten Today
  • Four Great Women Buried By Their Boobs
  • Five Wacky Misunderstandings That Almost Caused a Nuclear Holocaust
  • Five Beloved U.S. Presidents The Modern Media Would Never Let Into The White House

Plus tons of other chapters about childbirth, bugs, weapons of mass destruction, medical practices, the zombie apocalypse, and cartoons–just to name a few.

I read the majority of this book while on the 5am train to Paris and while most other people were doing this:

I was busy laughing out loud. (Which I can assure you, hardly ever happens from books or TV).

AND to top it all off, I learned what a freaking badass Teddy Roosevelt was and that Abraham Lincoln had a terribly high-pitched voice, plus a bunch of other randomly weird stuff.

A new fav. Good job, Cracked Team!

5 lightning guns of 5

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From Goodnight Kiss 2 by R.L. Stine

This actually made me laugh, so I had to post it…

 

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